Almost a quarter of Seattle parents are raising their children in co-parent or single-parent households, and the percentage of blended families nationwide is on the rise. While every household structure comes with unique challenges and struggles, some hit harder than others. Just financially, the median income for married couples with children under 18 in Seattle peaked at $237,300, but for single mothers, that number drops down to $58,600, well below a living wage in this city for an adult with children.

While information is not tracked on how many single-parent-led households are actively co-parenting, most parenting plans resulting from a divorce or separation in Washington involve shared custody agreements. Lucia Ramirez Levias, collaborative divorce lawyer and partner at DuBois Levias Law Group, said, “Our courts have generally looked at kids needing both parents in their lives, to the extent that those parents are fit and able to care for them.” The movement toward 50/50 parenting plans ensures dads are also recognized as valuable, important parents in kids’ lives.

I boarded the ferry with my son in my arms, crossing over the Puget Sound to where his father waited on the other side. After handing over our little one, I waited on the dock for the return ferry to begin loading. Back on the ferry, watching the shoreline grow smaller and smaller, I felt as though my heart and limbs were missing. My introduction to co-parenting was less conventional and rather cinematic.

In the beginning years of co-parenting, we all feel the loneliness and pain of not having our child with us every day. While the years have passed, and my son’s father and I have grown and evolved along the journey, I know firsthand just how heavy an emotional toll co-parenting can take on all.

Parents new to this world, are sharing powerful videos on TikTok conveying these challenges. One of the most immediate experiences a new co-parent has is coming home to silence.

A trending TikTok video posted by Max Areeg shows two parents preparing for their son's birthday. The couple in the video playfully blew up balloons, hung decorations together, and the video ends with one tossing a pillow at the other. If it wasn't spelled out, one would never know that the couple was in the middle of a divorce. Areeg is seen on her soon-to-be ex-husband's shoulders, rubbing balloons onto his hair to generate static electricity to cling the balloons to the ceiling. The laughter and fun times shown are certainly not the common narratives of modern divorce.

I can attest to the necessary ingredients of a successful co-parenting relationship, having co-parented for more than eight years. Co-parenting is always a shared journey, whether it is a 50/50 split, or like mine, more of an 85/15. Separated parents who still have to child-rear together need healthy communication, plenty of patience, and the establishment of clear boundaries.